Meat Loaf on the Art of the Deal

Once again, I am hooked on The Celebrity Apprentice. I just can’t get enough of this hot mess of a show - the cat fights, the pissing matches and all the over-inflated egos.

Per usual, most of the contestants are thoroughly unlikeable, although I do have a soft spot for Meat Loaf. He's not much to look at, but on the show, he comes of as an all-around nice guy. It helps that I like a lot of his songs, especially “Paradise by the Dashboard Light" - a karaoke favorite. If you listen to PBTDB carefully, you’ll realize that it also provides a very important lesson on what happens when a negotiation goes completely awry.

If you've been anywhere near a radio for the last 30 years or so, you're probably familiar with the song. It tells the story of a young couple getting hot and heavy in a car. The guy is prepared and determined to go all the way, but just when he’s about to slide for home base, the gal pull out her “take it or leave it” negotiations tactic:

Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further--!
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?

The guy gets flustered. All he really wants is some action; the last thing on his mind is playing house with this gal. So he, too, tries a tried-and-true negotiations tactics-- stalling:

Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning

But the girl knows her powers, she has leverage and she knows what she wants. The ball, as they say, is in her court. So, she's strikes while the iron is hot to get better terms on this deal:

I gotta know right now!
Do you love me?…..
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further
Do you love me?
And will you love me forever?

Now if you’ve ever taken a negotiations class, you’ll know the importance of having identified your BATNA - "Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement." And you’ll know that the better your BATNA, the stronger your negotiations stance. This poor guy obviously has a crummy BATNA -- if he doesn't get what he wants, he'll end up with a crushed ego and in a very, very uncomfortable physical state. In other words, at that moment, there is no BATNA acceptable to him. And he caves in:

I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!

So in the end, the girl wins this round of negotiations. Or did she? Did they really know each other? Did they know what they were getting in this deal? Alas, after all the intense negotiating, the outcome isn’t such a happy one:

So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!

So folks, let Meat Loaf’s song be a lesson for you if you are about to negotiate anytime soon. Know the outcome you really want. Think through each possible scenario, and understand your Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement.

The end.