My advice to parents who want to take their very young kids camping...

...don't. Hellz no. Unless you are a glutton for punishment, like K and I.

Back in our childless days, K and I camped a lot. We loved waking up to crisp, morning air (think Maxwell House commercial, the one where the couple emerges from the tent looking well-rested, smiling at the prospect of having the best cup of instant coffee ever). And at night, we love lingering by the campfire under the stars, sipping on wine, feeling completely at peace.

K and I had not camped since EB was born over six years ago. But lately, EB started talking about camping quite a bit. We suspected that BBoy was a bit on the young side, but we didn't want to deny EB the experience, so we decided to give it a try.

So what went wrong, you ask? It wasn't one particular thing but a slew of little, annoying things. First, it was the prep process. Since we had not used our equipment in so long, it took us days to get everything ready: take the equipment out of the attic, air it out, figure out what was missing, struggle to remember how to setup the tent, pack up the food items, etc, etc, etc. And since we were only camping for one night, our whole preparation-to-play ratio was completely off-kilter.

Regardless, everything looked very promising on the day of our trip. We loaded up the car and drove for an hour in sunny, 68-degree weather. We sang during the car ride, played "I spy," and upon arrival, took a few happy, silly pictures so we would be able to prove remember later just how much fun we were having.

We are having FUN, I say!

For dinner, I  made Frito pie with our portable gas burner, but I had forgotten how hot the burner could get. Within a matter of minutes, I ended up charring the ground beef, thereby infusing our Frito pie with an essence of cigarette ashes--it was quite the exquisite dish. While I was burning making our dinner, K was busy pitching our tent and getting everything ready (again, the prep-to-play ratio thing). During this time, EB decided to gather firewood and basically ignored BBoy. Poor BBoy wanted to keep up with EB, but his little legs weren't coordinated enough to negotiate the branches that were sticking out all over the place. He kept falling and breaking into frustrated tears and tantrums.

The one time that EB decided to pay attention to BBoy was
to torment him with her yellow flashlight

Charred dinner--complete. Tents--pitched.
The kids look happy, but Mom and; Dad need wine...

Our nerves were rattled, so after we were done with dinner and s'mores,  we got the kids in the tent and prayed for them to quickly drift off to sleep. For awhile, we heard giggles coming from the tent, and as K and I sipped on our wine in front of an open fire, we felt our nerves calm. All was good.

But then 15 minutes later: "Mommmmmm....B keeps on jumping on my head!"
Another five minutes pass: "Mmmmoooommmm...his butt is in my face!"
1 minute later: "Mommmm! I just want to go to sleep!
1 minute later: Tears from both kids.

K and I sighed, put out the fire, and turned in. We managed to separate the kids, calm them, and eventually, all of us slowly drifted off to sleep. Only to wake up in the middle of the night with our air mattress sinking to the ground. K and I wanted to pump up the mattress, but since the kids seem to sleep through it just fine, we decided to rough it. K and I barely slept from that point--we felt the hard, cold earth against our backs, which made the 42-degree air feel even that much colder.

The next morning, we decided to go for a quick hike. Both K and I were like zombies, which made us ill-equiped to handle the tantrums that the kids decided to throw during our hike. At that point, we knew that we were done; it was time to pack it up.

We got home that afternoon exhausted and cranky, with a car-full of equipment and dirty pots/pans/utensils to be put away (again, the prep-to-play ratio complaint). To top it off, EB received a little send-off gift--a tick that decided to burrow itself under her arm (would would've thought that ticks would thrive in sub-50 degree weather....)

So in summary, here are our learnings from the excursion:

• Camping truly makes for a fun family trip. Just wait until all of your kid(s) are old enough to be reasoned with, say 6, 10 or 35 years old.
• If you are going camping, make it longer than one night. Otherwise, the amount of time spent on packing, planning, putting up and taking down a camp site would not be worth the short visit.
• Make sure your air mattress is full and leak-free. Otherwise, you will have a rather cold night.
• No matter how cold it is, spray your kids down with DEET before sending them out to the woods.
• And bring more than one bottle of wine. It makes the camping trip better.

Binky in the Bottle

In the past few years, I have become more and more lax about list-making and "control" in general. The reason for this regression is that I've wizened to the fact that the concept of control is mostly an illusion. Sure, I can drive myself crazy and be all sorts of control freak--making lists, fretting, obsessing--but in the end, it really makes not an ounce of difference.

Besides, for the most part, K and I are pretty good at improvising when things go awry. As a case in point, we recently took the kids to Branson, MO for a weekend getaway. A few hours before we left, we ran around collecting various toiletries and last minute items. We were pretty proud at how quickly we were able to round up all of our things (and with two kids, we certainly had lots and lots of things), until we realized, upon reaching our destination, that we forgot to bring B's pack-n-play. And of course, this particular hotel did not lend out any sleep furniture for the kids-- no cribs, no pack-n-plays, no cages. We were left to fend for ourselves.

K and I scratched our heads, but figured we'd make do. We surveyed the room, and decided to surround the bottom of the kids' bunk bed with three chairs and a couple of suitcases. The effort earned us A+ in efforts but D- in safety. B was ecstatic; he thought that we had built him his personal jungle gym. Instead of sleeping, he climbed around the chairs, laughing like a drunken little troll. After an hour of cajoling and a near-nose dive from his bunk bed, K ended up driving to the nearest Walmart, where he become the proud owner of yet another pack-n-play.


Despite our minor memory lapse, we did remember to bring this:

...along with a couple of bottles of this: (it's the important stuff, right?)

Later that night, we realized that we forgot to bring a cork stop to keep our remaining bottle of wine fresh. But fear not, as K managed to improvise with this:

Gives a whole new meaning to the concept of nightcap.

Disney Delayed

OK, so this posting is, like, four months late, but there's no way I am going to let the kids' first Disney trip slide without documenting it for posterity. After all, if we are going to spend all that money traveling to the Happiest Place on Earth (TM), we need to be able to brag write about it.

Let me preface this posting by stating that having kids who are five years apart has both distinct advantages and disadvantages. On the plus side, we have quite easily adjusted to a life with two kids since EB was already somewhat self-sufficient by the time B came along. On the down side, it's nearly impossible to find activities that are compatible for both. That's why when EB expressed an interest in going to the Disney World early last year, my first thought was: Hell, no. I imagined having to simultaneously deal with EB's whining AND B's multiple meltdowns/diaper explosions. And what's worse, we would be surrounded by a sea of whining, germ-y kids with their cranky parents who had financially overextended themselves by wanting to make their precious ones' dream come true. But you can only hold out for so long, so when my parents offered to meet us in Orlando so that they could watch B while we took EB to Disney, we knew that it was finally time for EB and Mickey to meet.

We rented a condo near the theme park and for three days, B got exclusive rights to grandpa/grandma doting sessions while the rest of us--K, EB, me and my brother (he decided to tag along at the last minute)--zipped around the theme parks. We were determined to get most out of our Disney investment, so our moves were plotted with military precision: "OK-- I'm going to run ahead after this log flume ride and get the Fast Pass tickets for Magic Mountain. You guys go to Hall of Presidents to see the talking wax figures and I will meet you back there. If the show starts before I get back, text me and I'll go to the nearest gift shop to wait until the show is over. Now let's fan out--GO, GO, GO!!"

A bit stressful some would say, but I say, given the cost of the tickets, a queuing strategery was a requirement. Yes, we were that family at the park, and we had a blast, so there. We were able to get on most of the rides with very little waiting, which is important because on an 85+ degrees day, waiting and happiness very much have an inverse relationship .

Smile! You're at the Happiest Place on Earth (TM)!

"Hi. I'm five years old."

Ten-hut!

EB had an absolute blast, and managed to keep her whining down to a minimum. The only times that she got grumpy was when a Disney staff called her a "princess," as in:   
   "Well, hi there, Princess!"
   "Is this your first trip to Disney, Princess?"
   "See you later, Princess!"

In fact, every time a Disney staff used the dreaded "P" word on my little tomboy, she would go all teenage on me and give me this sullen, indignant look:

Don't call her a "Princess." Ever.

On day four, B got a chance to join us at the MGM Studio (read: grandparents had to fly down to Miami to catch their cruise). It was definitely more challenging to tote around a one-year old, but by then we had had worked most of the Type-A Disney impulses out of our systems. Meaning, we were pretty exhausted, so we were relatively content just strolling around the park at a leisurely pace.

Look Mom, I'm at Disney World!

Hands on experience at "Honey I Shrunk the Kids"

The little dude had no idea what was going on.

Having a blast on "A Toy Story" ride

Overall, it was a great trip: quality time with family, lots of sun and a zip-a-dee-doo-dah of a good time at Disney World. Who could ask for anything more?

Snippets from our cruise

Missed me?

We had been gone for the past two weeks on our annual family cruise.  Last year was our first attempt, and it almost ended disastrously--plenty of tears and tantrums (and EB was cranky too). This year was way better, and I must say, it’s starting to grow on me. When you live over a thousand miles from your family, you have two choices for a family reunion: 1. Gather under one roof for a week straight, slowly driving one another insane, or 2. Meet at a neutral ground (e.g. cruise/trip of some sort), spend some time together, some time apart, relax, take silly classes you would've never imagined taking. We all prefer option 2.

We departed from Galveston on a 7-day cruise in Western Caribbean. As soon as we got into our room, EB began clamoring for the top bunk bed. Last year the top bunk bed was off-limits as I feared that she would roll over and fall seven feet down. But this year, I relented, warning her: “Be careful, you may roll off the bed and hurt yourself." EB retorted: "I won't roll over, Mommy. I'm not round like an orange!”

..........

K and I had assumed that they would have some song and dance routine for entertainment on our first cruise night. We thought EB would like music and dancing, so we got to the show early and found a good spot, smack in the middle of the aisle, about eight people deep on each side. Turned out the entertainer was some low-grade comedian, not very funny one at that. As expected, EB quickly got bored, but given where we were seating, there was no way out lest we step on eight sets of toes. So we toughed it out.

EB (in loud voice): “Mommy, why he can’t stop talking?”

Me (whispering): “Not so loud…he’s talking because he’s trying to be funny.”

EB (in loud voice, right when the auditorium was relatively quiet): “Mommy, why he’s trying to be funny?”

..........

An important part of the cruising experience is the food, glorious food. Buffet, every day, seven days straight, all you can eat. And nobody, I mean NOBODY does it like my family. Here’s a typical breakfast schedule:

9 AM : Mom and Dad picks up EB to go to breakfast. K and I laze around for half an hour, then goes upstairs to join them

9:45 AM: Mom, Dad and Bro (from hereon out, I will refer to them as the Buffet Trio) are done with their first round of food, generally consisting of egg, some type of breakfast meat, and smoked salmon.

10 AM: The Buffet Trio are up for their second round, generally consisting of some type of bread, cheese, juice and fruit

10:30 AM: The Buffet Trio is still eating, wonders how come K, EB and I are already done eating

10: 45 AM: The Buffet Trio is looking around, smacking their lips, ready for their last round of food (usually a toss-up between more fresh fruit or more smoked salmon)

11 AM: The Buffet Trio is finally done with breakfast and moves onto planning their lunch strategy.

..........

No matter what cruise line you go on, there are drunken, tacky people, drinking too much, acting inappropriately.

Dad and Mom were looking down at the pool/hot tub deck with a grin.

Me: “Why are you grinning? Do you see something?”

Dad: “See that big guy over there in a hot tub, with a drink in his hand?”

Me: “Yea...the guy next to the big lady with the bikini that’s too small for her?”

Mom, jumping in: “The guy just grabbed the big girl’s breasts, both of them, in broad day light.”

..........

When you’re on a cruise, you the last thing you need to worry about is being bored. There are activities glore, including dance classes, rock-climbing, roller-blading, wine tasting, even napkin artistry.

Bro: “Do you think it would be weird for me to go to a napkin artistry seminar?”

Me: “Umm…in a word…yes.”

Bro: “But they say that it would be a good place for me to meet women.”

Me: “Sure….if you want to meet 80 year old cougars.”

K: “By the time you’re 80, you’re no longer a cougar, you’re a saber-missing-tooth tiger.”

..........

I couldn't find one single picture that encapsulates our trip, so here 

are a few of my favs. In no particular order.

Monkeying around

A kiss from the girl of his dreams

Racin' is my game

Mom & Bro, tempting fate on the high seas

Future derby girl

Happy Autumn!

It was a beautiful, comfortable 75 degrees today--fall is finally here! This is my favorite season of the year, and here are the five top reasons.

• Lots of hiking. K and I love to hike, and we've been taking EB since she was 10 months old. She has long outgrown her carrier, but she's a little trooper and does great hiking on her own. Here are some pics from our past hiking trips:

EB 10 months; Arizona

EB 24 months; North Carolina

EB almost 3; Mt. Pinnacle

• Pumpkin breads. I bought a couple of pumpkins yesterday so that EB and I can bake some pumpkin bread together. Look at these beauties--only $2 each. Here's a great pumpkin bread recipe, courtesy of Alton Brown from the Food Network, in case you're interested.

Bake me!

• Chilly nights = bonfire + s'mores. K built this fire pit in our backyard a few months ago...just in time for a blistering, blazing summer. We can't wait to put it to use.

• Halloween! I have not cared for Halloween since my college days, when it was a great excuse for my college friends and I to dress up and get silly inebriated. But now that I have EB, I have a brand-new appreciation for this holiday. In fact, she's been talking about it nonstop for months now, and it's great fun seeing everything through her eyes. 

Buds from school

• And finally...no more flip-flops at work. I can not believe people actually think it's acceptable to wear flip-flops in the office, but that has been the sad reality. Don't get me wrong, I think some toe action is O.K. during the summer time, but showing off every unsightly square inch of your feet is just plain wrong. It creates a hostile work environment.

Labor Day Weekend

What a beautiful Labor Day Weekend it was! K, EB and I drove out to Eureka Springs on Saturday for a little last-minute getaway. We got there on Saturday night and headed over to historic downtown, a quaint area with lots of narrow, winding streets, art galleries and local restaurants. We had dinner at Local Flavor, which I highly recommend. The food was great, if a little slow, but we had a nice patio seat and had fun people watching.

The next day we headed out to Lake Leatherwood to do a bit of paddle boating, exploring and lake wading. K was extremely brave, jumping off of a natural high point (about 15+ feet up) with kids that were about 25 years his junior. I took a video of him and threatened to post it on this blog, but I've decided to be kind and will only pull it out for blackmail.

Amused by our tour guide

 
We capped off our trip with a visit to the Cosmic Cavern, with the usual stalactite and stalagmite (yes, I had to look up the spelling) formations. What was unusual about the tour was the tour guide--the poor devil was such a terrible story/joke teller that he himself became a source of our entertainment. Our entire tour went something like this:

Tour guide: “So, you know the difference between a cavern and a cave?”
K: “Um… two letters?”
Tour guide (with genuine amazement): “Damn, how did you know that?”



Overall, it was a great trip: beautiful clear-blue skies, lots of outdoor stuff, good food, and most of all, an opportunity to spend lots of time with my two favorite people in the whole world.