Foot Fetish

Warning: this posting may be a bit TMI about my feet. Feel free to read or not read. But if you do, be prepared. Nighmares may ensue.

..................

I have decided to train for the Little Rock half-marathon. But before I subject my feet to another round of pavement-pounding punishment, I decided to go see a podiatrist to help mitigate my foot problems. And a whole lot of problems there are--my feet are flat as pancakes and wide as a Winnebago. Worst of all, I've got bunions so large that K is convinced that they've got heartbeats of their own.

So, there I was at the podiatrist's office, sitting with my shoes and socks off when the doctor walked in. After he shook my hand and introduced himself, he looked over my feet and promptly exclaimed, "WOW! Look at these bunions! Goodness, they're huge! Do they hurt?"

Me: "Umm...not really."
Doc: "Well those are really something else. They look like they should hurt."

Jeeze, thanks, Doc. Without bunions, you wouldn't be in business, buddy.

As the doctor started pulling my feet this way and that,  I noticed that he was not wearing any gloves. How gross. I can't imagine having to touch other people's sweaty, stinky feet all day long. And that's when I remembered that I had just shaken his hand, which meant that unless he had washed his hands before seeing me, I probably now had a half-a-dozen sets of foot funk doing the happy dance on my right palm.

And then the good doctor does something unimaginable. He gets an itch, and the fingers that had moments before kneaded my feet started inching towards his left eye.

Holy crap. Don't do it, man.

Yet his hand continued to move up, until it reached under his glasses and there he was, scratching and rubbing his foot-funked fingers across his eyelids.

Sweet Baby Jesus. I am simultaneously fascinated and skeeved out.

The rest of the visit was uneventful. After I was measured for my orthotics, I went off on my merry little way to the nearby bathroom, where I fervently scrubbed the funk off of my hands.

I am committing myself . . . to a 10-mile race!

I have decided to run in the Austin 10-mile race with a couple of friends in April. It's been a long time since I've committed myself to any form of organized running event. For one, there's this work/kids thing, making it hard to find time to train. Second, I probably have one of the weakest immune systems on this earth. Ever since I've had kids (i.e. germ-spreading rug rats), I've fallen sick at least once every six weeks. This means that just as I start making progress with my training, I have to stop to recuperate from my ailment of the month.

But I am determined to make it work this time around, and just spent a few hours arming myself with the tools I need to train for this race.

1. Proper footwear

I've been wearing this worn-out pair of New Balance shoes for quite some time now, so I decided it was time to invest in a new pair. I walked into the New Balance store, where I was greeted by a very knowledgeable sales guy. I quickly spotted a pair that I liked, and as I was being fitted, the sales guy casually asked how long I had been using my current pair. That was when I realized that I had no idea how long I have been wearing these shoes. Has it been four years? Five? Surely there's no way I would've let more than five years slip by without investing in a new pair of running shoes. I told him that I couldn't remember, to which he commented: "Well, it must be older than two years, because we don't make this model anymore."

After I got home, I searched through my photo files to see if I can find old pictures of me wearing this outdated model. And then I came across this picture, labeled "2006 Little Rock Marathon Relay."

 Here I am in the picture, covered in finish-line foil. I would not have been able to tell what footwear I was donning, if it were not for the little bit of gray peeping out from under the foil. I zoomed in on it, and here it is, to my shock and dismay. I was wearing this exact pair.

And that's when I realized that I had bought this pair when I was rafting in Maine, back in the fall of 2004. This pair of sneakers is over 8 years old!!

No wonder my back and ankles hurt like hell after my runs.



2. Immune booster
I know a ton of folks who do not like to take medication. Me, I'm the complete opposite. Got a headache? Take ibuprofen. Got allergies? Take Claritin. Can't sleep? Take Ambien.

So naturally, I figured there would be immune boosting supplements that I can take to ward off the germs. I marched into Whole Foods and after comparing and contrasting six different types of herbal remedy, settled upon this one:

I had thought about buying an herbal formula composed of 200 mcg of "whole Reishi mushroom powder," but something about taking pure mushroom extract didn't settle well with me - Would I get sick? Would I get high? Would I get healthy but grow a third eye? (Ed. note: This sounds like a Dr. Seuss rhyme). This Wellness Formula, however, has a combination of vitamins, minerals and herbal powders; kind of like East-meets-West thing -- best of both worlds.

I am now properly armed and ready to go. Let the training begin!