The Great Pantry Cleanup

I had a strange dream a few nights ago. K and I were getting married and among the guests was the Donald Trump and his comb-over. We were in a swanky wedding venue, totally out of our league and budget. I kept telling K: “Don’t worry. This is a once in a lifetime thing, so it’s OK for us to spend this much money.” And as soon as I uttered those words, Donald Trump peered over at us from the other side of the room with a very disapproving look. Then I woke up. Now what could this dream about? I think it's a mash-up of my weekly immersion in The Celebrity Apprentice with anxiety from my annual Twirley family budget review.

This past weekend as I was going through our budget, I realized that our supermarket expenses are higher than they should be. This prompted me to go straight to our pantry and inventory what we have. Crap--what a hot mess it was--boxes, cans and bags spewed everywhere.  I love to cook and try out different recipes - it's a lot of fun for me. Unfortunately, this also means I often have stuff left over from long-forgotten kitchen experiments and multiple versions of the same thing. So, I decided to put the following three-step action plan into, uh, action:

1. Throw out anything that’s older than EB, moldy or moving;
2. Try to use up what we already have so that we can cut back on grocery bill; 
3. Bulk up on any missing staples so that we can whip up a meal in a flash.

I painstakingly took out all of the food in our pantry, and here’s an abridged version of what I found.

• Four boxes of stale, expired cereal (including EB's former fav to masticate and K's fav to look at, "Kroger Alien Cereal") and 3 boxes of funky crackers. All went into the trash - see Exhibit A below.

Exhibit A

• Three unopened bags of marshmallows: big marshmallows, little marshmallows, pink marshmallows and white marshmallows. I put them all in a container that’s clearly marked “Marshmallows.”
• 14 boxes of Jello/instant pudding mix
• One package of spicy udon that I got when I lived in NYC in 2001. It has followed us for ten years now, through our moves from NYC to Atlanta, back to NYC, to Little Rock, to Raleigh, and then, finally, back to Little Rock. I didn’t have the heart to throw this one out -- it’s practically part of the family. And anyway, since it’s in the Ramen noodle family, this stuff will probably survive another few decades. And should I ever survive the apocalypse, I can use this as emergency food. See Exhibit B.

Exhibit B - Our family friend

And to minimize the chances of things just getting thrown haphazardly in the pantry, we’ve started the labeling system where each slot in the pantry is clearly labeled.

I’m happy to report that this process has already begun to pay off. I found a can of chickpeas as I was cleaning out the pantry and proceeded on making a delicious chickpea salad as a part of our dinner. Here’s hoping for a pared down grocery bill in the rest of 2011. In the meantime, if anyone needs marshmallows, Jello or pudding mix, drop me a line.

Spring break get-together

K decided to hold a little play date/cook-out on Friday to cap off the spring break week. Friday was a work day for me so K did all of the planning and cooking—all I had to do was show up after everything was set. There were nine kids altogether—some older, some younger—but the important thing is that they all played wonderfully together and the grown-ups got a much-needed rest from having to constantly entertain their kids over the spring break.

On the menu was the standard cook-out fare: hamburgers, sausage, hot dogs, potato salad and Cheetos (can't go without that cheesy, processed orange goodness). And drum roll…K put together fresh fruit salad of strawberries, grapes, apples and oranges. And more drum roll…he actually stemmed and sliced the strawberries (most dudes would've barely washed the strawberries, much less remove the stems).  The fruit salad was so beautiful that it almost brought tears to my eyes. 

EB was beyond excited for the get-together. On the morning of the event, as I was getting ready to head out for work, I saw a sliver of light coming from her bedroom door. Convinced that EB was playing with her toys, I peeked in the room to say goodbye to her. Instead of playing, she was cleaning her room. This was such an anomaly that I will repeat it again: my four-year old was CLEANING her room, all by herself. She looked up at me brightly: “Hi Mommy. I’m cleaning my room for the party!”

Which, also brought tears to my eyes.

Meat Loaf on the Art of the Deal

Once again, I am hooked on The Celebrity Apprentice. I just can’t get enough of this hot mess of a show - the cat fights, the pissing matches and all the over-inflated egos.

Per usual, most of the contestants are thoroughly unlikeable, although I do have a soft spot for Meat Loaf. He's not much to look at, but on the show, he comes of as an all-around nice guy. It helps that I like a lot of his songs, especially “Paradise by the Dashboard Light" - a karaoke favorite. If you listen to PBTDB carefully, you’ll realize that it also provides a very important lesson on what happens when a negotiation goes completely awry.

If you've been anywhere near a radio for the last 30 years or so, you're probably familiar with the song. It tells the story of a young couple getting hot and heavy in a car. The guy is prepared and determined to go all the way, but just when he’s about to slide for home base, the gal pull out her “take it or leave it” negotiations tactic:

Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further--!
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?

The guy gets flustered. All he really wants is some action; the last thing on his mind is playing house with this gal. So he, too, tries a tried-and-true negotiations tactics-- stalling:

Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning

But the girl knows her powers, she has leverage and she knows what she wants. The ball, as they say, is in her court. So, she's strikes while the iron is hot to get better terms on this deal:

I gotta know right now!
Do you love me?…..
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further
Do you love me?
And will you love me forever?

Now if you’ve ever taken a negotiations class, you’ll know the importance of having identified your BATNA - "Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement." And you’ll know that the better your BATNA, the stronger your negotiations stance. This poor guy obviously has a crummy BATNA -- if he doesn't get what he wants, he'll end up with a crushed ego and in a very, very uncomfortable physical state. In other words, at that moment, there is no BATNA acceptable to him. And he caves in:

I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!

So in the end, the girl wins this round of negotiations. Or did she? Did they really know each other? Did they know what they were getting in this deal? Alas, after all the intense negotiating, the outcome isn’t such a happy one:

So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!

So folks, let Meat Loaf’s song be a lesson for you if you are about to negotiate anytime soon. Know the outcome you really want. Think through each possible scenario, and understand your Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement.

The end.

Junior Hairdresser

EB came home from school last week with the following note from her teacher:

K and I think her action may be a result of a song to which we exposed EB when she was only two--"Hairdresser." This was featured in a 1984 episode of "Stairway to Stardom." In case you're curious, I've posted the video below. EB was so enamoured with this song that she would sing along with the refrain: "Hairdresser, hairdresser....wo-oh-wo..."



K and I are now a bit nervous, because the other song that she learned when she was two was "Breaking the Law" by Judas Priest. She would sit in her little car seat, waving her defiant little fist, chanting: "Breaking the law, breaking the law, BOOM BOOM!"

No, we are not going to win Parents of the Year award anytime soon.

Random stuff from my visit to NYC

I was in New York City for work last week, and stayed at The Club Quarter Hotel in downtown Manhattan. The hotel was nice, business-oriented and clean. However, there were two drawbacks: (1) My room directly overlooked the old World Trade Center site—a bit creepy and very sad; (2) They stuck me on the 14th floor. There's nothing wrong with the number 14, but there's plenty wrong with the number 4, if you are Chinese. This ominous number symbolizes death in the Chinese culture, so between the view and the location of the room, I almost requested a room change.

But...I ended up getting distracted by the water unit that was right outside of my room. It was a purified water unit with a rack of empty plastic bottles for the guests to fill up and take to their room. Pretty cool and convenient. But, I wondered if these bottles were actually clean. Do they re-use these bottles, and even if they don’t, what’s to keep the other folks from putting their dirty bottle in amongst the clean ones? While I liked having access to clean drinking water without having to pay the rip-off fee of $4/hotel-room bottle, I couldn't get over the fact that I could be drinking out of someone else’s saliva/germ-filled water bottle. The solution? I used my own bottle that I had brought with me on the trip. Here’s to thinking ahead.

Are the bottles clean? Dirty? No one will ever know...

Every time I’m back in the City, I realize how much I miss its energy and its different neighborhoods. And the food. Over a dinner meeting, a co-worker mentioned that the downside of living in NYC is the cost of living and the cost of food. The latter puzzled me, because when I lived in NYC, I was always able to find great food for less than $20. To be fair, I did not dine in expensive, see-or-be-seen restaurants. Rather, I loved going to different ethnic neighborhoods and eating at a little hole in the wall where the focus is not on the atmosphere but rather, on making their food well. I didn't have a lot of time this trip, but I did manage to stop in at a Japanese noddle shop for a nice bowl of Udon ($5.75), and swing by Chinatown for some of their pastries (two for less than $5). I was in heaven.

My Frugal Valentine

I’ve never been a big Valentine’s Day person, meaning I've never expected big, fancy dinners or expensive gifts. Rather, I'm perfectly happy with a home-made card and a nice dinner at home, because in my opinion, Valentine's Day has become way too commercialized. All around, restaurants and stores use this holiday as an opportunity to shamelessly gouge you -- e.g. A very special Valentine's Day prix fixe menu! (read:don't expect to spend less than $50 per person). And by the way, don't even get me started on Sweetest Day, which in my opinion, is the most egregious example of a made-up holiday designed solely to boost retail sales.

I still remember an incident that occurred over ten years ago, when K and I were seriously dating. He bought me a breathtakingly beautiful diamond necklace during one Valentine’s Day--it was long and intricate, with beads of diamond laced into white gold. But it was also big and flashy; not exactly my style as I’m a simple gal. Besides, I knew that he was saving up his hard-earned money to buy me an engagement ring (a feat, if you're living in NYC with sky-high rent), so why should I impose a further drain on his resources on a purchase that I didn’t need?

So we trudged back to the jewelry store together so that I can exchange it for something simpler and less expensive. We explained to the sales lady our situation, and wanted to see if she can recommend a better alternative for me. And you know what she said to me? She actually said, “You silly, silly girl. You should take what he buys you, and demand more.” I had to bite my lips from saying:  “You stupid, stupid old gold-digger. This isn’t the '50s anymore.” But I was as polite as can be, picking an simple necklace that cost half the amount despite her grumblings.

In the end, Valentine’s Day is not about jewelry, or nice dinner, or bouquets of flowers. It’s about taking the time to realize how lucky I am to be with two people I love more than anything else in the whole world.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

The Faceless Snowman

Meet Melvin, the snow buddy that I built last Friday. He looks a bit sloppy, but he's a happy dude and made with lots of love. I have always liked building snowmen. While I'm not crazy about having to roll and haul the big snow balls, I enjoy giving my snow buddies their distinct faces. Once Melvin's head and body was created, I gave him some flare with a carrot, a couple of wine stoppers and some gum balls. I thought EB would be ecstatic with the end product, so imagine my confusion when she had the opposite response.

EB: “Can we make a mean snowman instead?”
Me: “Melvin is not mean; he's a really nice snowman.”
EB: “I don’t want to build a nice snowman. I want a monster snowman.”

I was perplexed-- K and I make a point of only letting her watch feel-good shows – Barney, Dora, Kai-Lan—so where does this child get her fixation on creating an evil snowman? After some prodding, EB blurted out: “I don’t want the nice snowman to melt. Only mean snowman can melt.”


Ahh; now it made sense. EB is at an age where she is grappling with the concept of justice, in an idyllic sort of way. That is, bad things should only happen to bad people and nice people should be spared from tragic events. If only, little girl.

I tried explained to her that sometimes, bad things happen to nice people. Which inevitably led to multiple “whys.” Which left me even more confounded, because the truth is, I’m still really not sure myself. Is it because world events are truly random? Is it God’s will? How do you explain to a four-year old that sometimes, really nasty things happen to the nicest people, and there is not one thing anyone can do about it? If anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

The next morning, Melvin had transformed into a faceless dude. Apparently, EB had removed every single one of his facial parts – if he can’t be a mean snowman, he can at least be faceless.

Then the afternoon came, and Melvin melted off into a pool of nothingness. How sad. But at least EB had wiped the smile off his face before he met his inevitable demise.